Finishing Amber Spyglass was an event in my life. Like 9/11, or first heartbreak, I remember the details of that day, and the way that I felt afterwards. Longing, emotional, yet not quite able to understand nor articulate how I felt after finishing the read in a marathon session on the lazy-bay of my father’s house.
I’m being driven up I-5, and the memories and plans of private planes through BFI are fresh. It’s a different layer than driving up I-5 on the motorcycle to make $60 teaching with the Princeton Review. Soaked on Seattle streets. There is no part of me that thought I would have been a Microsoft executive, not in this amount of time, not 15 years.
I can’t say I’m sad about my life, or the path that I’ve taken. I’m thankful, deeply, for the experience in the state department, to learn the art of Growth at Facebook, to get a locally undeserved but cosmically long overdue gutpunch at OpenAI, and now to be here. I’m glad for all of it, and yet I still feel like I’m missing something substantial. It’s one night a week away from the kids, I will go from protected car to protected hotel to cafe to Microsoft, and maybe there is a better way to do it.
Who was I and who am I?
What is life if I don’t stop and smell the roses every once in a while? With the rose field, it was just an adventure. More of an adventure through life, one in which something is lost, and something is gained.
Yet I was and am made of stories. Stories like Pullman that make you think, that make you feel vulnerable. It was worth it on the flight, and I’m thankful to have been in a position to have experienced both.